The 3 "F" Approach to Communicating Skills

Nobody likes to be bossed around, intimidated or coerced into making decisions of any kind. That’s why telemarketers, obnoxious salespeople and boorish bosses have such a bum rap in the collective American psyche.

 
And, being sensitive to this inherent dislike, communicators often develop what I call “Communicator’s Stress”. In an effort to avoid coming off as pushy, we go into overkill, and become mealy mouth, failing to speak clearly and directly. This is a disservice to those who are counting on us as professionals to help them in every way we can.
So, how do you help a person to come to their own decision without being overbearing, or worse yet, talking them into something that later they’ll reject? “Buyer’s remorse” is a well known phenomena of sales professionals – and the number one cause of the diminishing commission check!

You can’t fail if you master the “Three F” approach. This is also known as the “Feel, Felt, Found” method. Using open questions and active listening, you discover the other party’s feelings, needs, hopes, fears and prejudices. Once you know you can provide a solution that will ease his or her problems, you’re ready for the first “F”.

Feel -“I understand how you feel.” You build a bridge of empathy between yourself and the other person. “Many people feel that way…” “I’ve talked with other people in situations like you just described, and they feel the same way…” “That seems to be a common way for people to feel…” You’re offering assurance and building rapport.

 Felt - “I’ve often felt that way myself…” “My bother often felt that way…” “Several people I’ve talked with recently have felt like you’re telling me you feel…” This is an opener for a personal anecdote, or other examples, where you affirm the feelings of the individual. You’re confirming what others have faced similar situations and have found solutions and help. This phase of the conversation is where you instill hope and optimism.

Found - Here is where you offer specifics of your solution. “Then I found that there was a support group for people like me…” “My brother found that they could cope a lot better when he…” “These people have told me they found an answer when they…” Personal testimony is one of the most empathetic ways of bringing hope to the surface of a troubled individual.

What next? Back to the “Three F’s” Now, addressing the other person, you say, “Do you feel that what worked for me would work for you?” Or, ”How do you feel about what we’ve been talking about?”

“Have you felt this way?” Or “I’m wondering what you felt when we were talking a minute ago?” Let him open up and share his feelings.

“Have you found comfort in what we’ve been discussing here?” “Have you found something helpful in our conversation today?” “Have you found any areas that we should have explored in more depth?”

With a comfortable mastery of the “Three F’s”, at your disposal, you’ll feel more at ease in any conversation. The anxiety that comes with the fear of being too overbearing or too wishy washy that you’ve felt will be a thing of the past. You’ve found a simple and effective communicating tool to relieve Communicator’s Stress!

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